Nearest nip-slip… worst wax-job… sickest spit swap… and a mortifying snub of that dead actress: KENNEDY reveals the REAL awards for Hollywood’s most humiliating night.

The Academy Awards in the age of Trump could have gone one of two ways.

Either Hollywood – the biggest bunch of self-righteous, butt-sniffers on Earth – was going to collectively muster their oblivious indignation and sound off against Donald’s Second Reich… OR… they’d put their tails between their legs.

Thankfully, it was the latter.

A close friend, who happens to be a massive talent agency executive and was in attendance last night, told me that the presenters and nominees were warned to keep their political opinions to themselves and pop an Ozempic-gummy if they were feeling feisty.

The raucous applause they received was nice, but – next time – how about giving them water and a real mayor?

‘Who let the boobs out’ award

I completely missed Molly O’Brien’s speech after winning Best Documentary Short for ‘The Only Girl in the Orchestra’ because I was on the edge of my seat waiting for a wardrobe malfunction.

Lady, this is the Oscars, not the Golden Globes! The award should have gone to the inventor of double-sided tape.